Limitations and Freedoms

I had a piano/composition teacher in Phoenix who told me one lesson that, "Through our greatest limitations can be found our greatest freedoms." That seemed incredibly oxymoronic to me. He told me this just before assigning a 12-tone table and composition to me. I'll briefly explain 12-tone to those who are not familiar with it. Within one octave of our scale there are 12 tones: C, C#, D, D#, E, F ,F#, G, G#, A, A# and B. To compose in 12-tone you must use all 12 tones before returning to a tone. The result is an atonal sound. The act of composing was not completely new to me but, in my past, I had only occasionally been inspired to write or found a melody resounding in my head which I would transcribe. Being assigned a composition meant that that week I must write something. Pressure. He greatly calmed me by telling me how much freedom I had with all the 12-tone rules. Imagine, he said, my telling you to use these 88 keys and write a song. That would be overwhelming. But when I tell you that you must follow these rules that gives you a starting pointas well as guidance as you compose. You cannot just choose any note to write next, you are limited. But while total freedom can be exhilerating, it can also be stifling. I have often sat at the piano to write or improvise and been so overwhelmed with the 88 keys that I just sit there picking around. But when I choose a scale to base my piece on then the music comes more fluidly.

I share this because my parents and Doug's parents are going through typical old age sufferings these days. It's difficult to know what they are going through. It's difficult to not be with them and, therefore, be more supportive. For Christmas, Doug and I gave his parents colored clay. Why? Because, while his father's eyes and ears are failing him, his mind and hands are sharp and well functioning. The idea was to focus on what you can do and broaden those horizons. And have some fun.

My mother has painful arthritis and moving around is difficult and dangerous sometimes. She knits and crochets which is good. I've been encouraging her to write more. I should encourage Gordon (Doug's dad) to share memories in the oral tradition into a digital recorder. There is a lot of life in these people that we don't know about.

So my question to you, dear readers, is what are your limitations? Can you find freedom in them?

Is one of your limitations financial? Those of you who have attended any of the piano gatherings know what fun can be had for very little money. For the mere cost of showing up and maybe bringing some food to share we have entertained each other for hours. I like that better than turning to strangers on the television.

Is one of your limitations your job? Or do you feel limited because you are still in school? Can you take your job new directions? Can you rise to the next level? Can you get something going on the side like special studies or an art practice?

To my teen readers, do you feel limited by living at home? The freedoms you have include the fact that you can save your money or spend it as you like and you have relatively few responsibilities - you don't have to provide for yourself, for instance.

Without realizing it, I took advantage of my limitations of moving to Falls Church. My limitations included my being among strangers, not knowing my way around and not working while awaiting Doug's first paycheck which took about 30 days. I wasn't stuck in the apartment but my great dislike of driving was a limitation that did keep me here alot. As many of you know, I spent alot of time caring for myself and writing both of which I only did sporadically in St. Paul. I brought only three or four books with me so I actually finished . . . er . . . no I didn't. I went to the library and distracted myself with more books. Well it was a well intended act on my part.

To the extreme, how many people have at in prisons and changed the world? The Apostle Paul, Nelson Mandela, Thoreau and one of my favorite writers, O'Henry.

I wonder what will come out of Haiti as we sit here and whine that we don't have enough money to buy this or go there. I wonder who will be able to arise from that distress and make a difference in the world while we sit here and complain about our job or our teacher. I mentioned in an earlier post that I look at disasters like the tsunami that hit Indonesia and realize how strong and resilient and capable we humans are. We all must remember we are just as strong and resilient and capable in our own homes as we are facing dramatic situations like those we, thank God, only read about.

So far so . . .

Week two of Russian has passed. I have noticed something that may shock some of you. My recall has been excellent. Normally, you know, I have no functioning memory. I spend probably two or three hours studying between classes during the week. I always review just before bed and always awaken with a few new vocabulary words that have stuck. But what I really think is going on here is the whole body/mind/spirit package has been prepped and is, therefore, functioning well. It certainly helps that I can focus on Russian with few distractions. But I had plenty of time to focus on teaching piano yet I still would forget music that I promised students. That happened with great regularity. I have had a poor memory for as long as I remember. Ha-ha-ha! I'm soooo funny. But seriously folks, I have always had a poor memory since I was a kid; this has nothing to do with age. So the fact that I am doing as well as I am in Russian is a pleasant surprise.



This makes me think. Often times in lessons when a student would have a problem with a dynamic marking, say, I would get them up to juggle. When they sat back down they were able to better play the dynamics. Sometimes I think we try to fix the problem by focusing too much on the problem itself. Sometimes caring for one thing leads to better functioning of something seemingly unrelated.

I wrote those first two paragraphs Monday. Today (Tuesday) I had the most difficult time yet in class. We began learning adjectival endings -all 99 or so of them. Okay, there are only 10 or so. But they're confusing. And I have to learn how to count and tell time and make purchases and give change - in RUSSIAN. Doug had me marching around the living room tonight chanting the numbers 1-10 in Russian in rhythm. I love my Douglas.


Once a week (Thursday afternoons) I attend Area Studies. This is usually a lecture by someone well studied in a topic related to Russia or a central Asian country. Last week I could barely stay awake - I practiced my penmanship. This week we met at the Uzbekistan embassy. They bought this building from the Canadians years ago. It's got some quite striking wood carvings throughout it - mythological characters around a fireplace, vines and flowers and such around a door. It also has a good representation of Uzbeki artwork as well as a small museum. Our hosts were most gracious answering any questions we had and offering us gifts of books.

Now, I'm going to do something that I rarely do. If you are considering donating money to aid the Haitian relief efforts, I have a suggestion. That State Departmens hires many locals to work at the Consulates and Embassies. These people are indispensable, often very long-term dedicated employees who, depending on their government and society, often are at risk for retaliation for working with us. The State Department has a fund that is used to aid these people when the need arises. It has been exhausted. I am very skeptical when it comes to giving money. Doug and I are going to give to this fund. If you want to donate, make a check out to the U.S. Department of State, designation for the FSN (Foreign Service National) Relief Fund. Send your check to me at 505 Roosevelt #B119 Falls Church VA 22044. Doug will take your checks into the office. Thank you.

Wow

Some would call it a coincidence. Others would call it positive energy, good mojo or zen. Some (me, in this case) would call it God at work. I asked for your prayers last week because I was a bit freaked out from my first day at the Foreign Service Institute. I came home completely overwhelmed. The next day - the first real day of class - was long, full of hard work and I came home high and exhilerated. I worked in my Russian books for a couple of hours after I got home because I was so excited. That continued the rest of the week. Let's hope it can last for seven months.

I was easily able to fall into a nice routine last week. I got up as I alway shortly before Doug leaves, ate breakfast (the most important meal of the day) then went to the gym right away. I set the treadmill for an hour during which I pray and review vocabulary and dialogues so it's fresh in my head for the day. By the way, I'm using one of the suggestions I gave my students. I study briefly just before bed so I can sleep on the new material. Some new words always survive the night.

I read a fascinating article today about difficult languages (difficult from an English speaker's perspective). If is online at Economist.com: http://www.economist.com/world/international/PrinterFriendly.cfm?story_id=15108609

It's not long, read it. Here is a sample of what you'll see:

When we speak, air leaves our mouth (duh). There are languages that have consonant sounds in which you inhale.

Our words carry the same meaning whether we pitch our voice high or low. In Mandarin Chinese there are four tonal levels; 6 in Cantonese; 7 or 8 in Min.

Some African languages have clicks made similar to the way we "tsk" to get a horse to go. But it sounds more like the loud, hollow sound you make when you click your tongue. (That last comment was mine because I have heard it in some music I have.)

Here's a word for you, it's a Turkish word: Cekoslovakyalilastiramadiklarimizdanmissiniz. It means, "Were you one of those people whom we could not make into a Czechoslovakian?" One word means all that!

It has been proposed that your thoughts are influenced by your language. there is an aboriginal people in Australia who have no word for left or right. They are very specific, "Your southeast shoe is untied." Ask any of us to point east at any given time and we'd probably spin around a few times, orient our selves and either guess or figure it out. These people always know the directions accurately. Always. It's in them from their language.

I'm really glad I'm learning Russian. Last week I learned a tongue twister in Russian. Tomorrow I get to tell my first story in Russian. It won't be very good. I only know three verbs.

I Don’t Know About This . . .

Day one of language training and I am drained, spent, devoid of any desire to think about anything. Except you, my dear readers, except you. Today was not difficult at all. I had to be at the Foreign Service Institute at 9:00 A.M. - not too early. There is a shuttle service from our apartment to the Institute so I didn’t have to drive. Good, good. I was on the student list so I got my student security badge with no problems. I even (eventually) found my way around.

All language students met together for a short orientation. We were then dismissed language by language to meet the department heads. From there we were divided into classes and introduced to our instructors. I was put in the later starting class:

10:40-12:30 classroom, speaking
12:30-2:30 lunch and one hour lab work
2:40-3:30 classroom, speaking
3:40-5:30 classroom, reading, writing

I am in a class of four. Our teacher showed us briefly around the building and we got library cards and non-classified system access codes. We then had about two hours break before we were tested. We were given the Meyers/Briggs test along with three other ‘How Do You Learn’ tests. I was the last one to finish. This was interesting because in my past I can remember taking tests and feeling very anxious when people started turning in their papers when I was barely half way through. Today, it absolutely didn’t matter to me. I’m glad I was so relaxed about it.

The day ended at 3:30. A short day. Why was I so (and I quote) “drained, spent, devoid of any desire to think about anything”? I think I have myself worked up into a nervous knot about learning Russian so intensely. I am actually quite calm now that I’m writing to you, dear Readers. Thank you.

I am worried that I won’t be able to sit still and concentrate long enough. But I know that these teachers are the best and they tailor the classes as best they can to how we learn. I’m worried that my memory is not strong enough. I, however, am in a fortunate position to be living with a Russian speaker. I can go home in the evenings and practice, even though it means he’ll correct me. I’m worried that I’ll be the slowest learner. I’m used to this. I was the slowest swimmer in all the YMCA trainings I attended. I was the lowest level player in the piano pedagogy classes I took. I’m really used to it. I guess I’m worried I’ll be too slow and hold the class back. I spoke with a man in language training who told me that he was quite slow. They wound up pulling him out of the class and giving him one-on-one tutoring. I’m worried that when I hear the Russian words I’ve ‘learned’ that they’ll come flying out of someone’s mouth so fast that I won’t understand them. This morning the head of the department stood at the door and as I walked in said good morning in Russian. It took me a few steps (too late to say it back to him) but I got it!

This is like a cheap psychotherapy session! Cheap for me. It’s at my reader’s expense, I’m sorry to say.

I’ll finish with please – oh, please – pray for me. Send me encouraging words. I’d love to know from you when you last challenged yourself whether intellectually, physically or otherwise. How did you get through it?