The taboos

A post or two ago, I said that I believe that we need to learn how to discuss the taboo topics of politics and religion. Ooh, where to begin . . .

I guess the place to begin is to realize the importance of being able to discuss these hot-button, important, scary topics. War. That's why. People turn to violence and nations go to war over these issues. That's why we need to learn to discuss them with our neighbor, friends and our mother-in-law.

Why are these issues so scary? I can only speak for myself. In my judgemental days (any time before I was 30ish) I could not discuss these topics with civility. I could argue them but I could not discuss them because I was not knowledgeable enough. I knew what I believed religion-wise but I did not know why and I was unable to articulate my beliefs well. All I knew politically was I hated our government. Not much has changed in the latter though I am working on it and BOY am I in a good place to work on it. I made huge progress when I was able to say to someone "I don't know." I made enormous progress when I learned to (nothing new here) listen. Not just to hear their point of view but to hear how they reasoned out their beliefs and articulated them.

There are people in my life who I love dearly with whom I cannot have any conversation if we do not agree 100%. So we wind up talking about the weather and food. Part of this is my fault or, more accurately, the fault of my past. I was an unreasonable arguer. I no longer am but they may never know because as soon as an opposing viewpoint surfaces 'My isn't it sunny!'

Why are these issues such hot-button topics? Because they are so important and they are so intensely personal while they are also so vitally public. We are passionate about them because we should be. We need to remember that there are many ways to show passion outside of anger. There are many who say that people who are so angry are really scared. That's probably true some of the time. Try telling someone you disagree with how frightening a situation is to you. This gives them a chance to either comfort you with their reason or realize the gravity of their own views.

Now I'm going to get hypocritical. If we wrote a constructive letter to a congressman for each time we complained about the government we could hold our head higher in any political debate. I, for one, would have huge blisters on my fingers and little time to study. Writing that letter forces us to articulate our opinion and the results can be staggering. If we sought out conversation with a Muslim friend or acquaintance every time we heard someone railing against 'those Muslims' we'd have a much more accurate perspective.

I have entitled this blog "If I can . . ." Please remember why I chose that title. If I can then anyone can. I have told Doug that I am so glad he did not meet me in college. He'd have had no interest in me at all because of how naively and ignorantly close-minded I was. I've come a long way. I think I mentioned this in an earlier post but it's short and worth repeating. I am trying to set my mind for the unknown in Uzbekistan. Part of that is preparing to see our differences as just that - differences, not wrong or right, just different. Now, I don't want to go out into the world accepting everything that lands in my path as just different. Certainly there are wrongs out there and I hope to recognize them. However I believe there are many more differences and many people's reactions tend to be negatively judgemental towards differences.

I haven't travelled alot but I'll share an example of different versus right and wrong. When Doug and I were in India in 2000 I remember standing in a few lines only to be blatantly cut off - even pushed aside by someone who wanted to go ahead of me. I meekly tolerated this a few times. One day, I pushed back. The man then just moved behind me. That was it. In America we would consider it very rude to cut into a line and more rude to push someone. In India they apparently don't think it's a big deal. It's different. No one got hurt. I got miffed, but I got over it and learned how to react. Either wait or push back. Pretty simple.

Not every difference is going to be that simple. Uzbekistan is run by a dictator who has overseen mass killings of those who disagree with him (that's wrong, not different). Uzbekistan is a predominately Muslim country. I hear that to hold religious discussions one must apply for and receive a permit. I realize I need to approach the subject very carefully however to gain their trust and a level of comfort between us. If any of my readers have had any experience living in a different culture, I'd appreciate any advice you may have to offer. I also solicit your prayers. I was close with two Muslim families in Minnesota and, since I've lived here, I've sat through two very interesting lecture/debates on today's issues between our cultures. Here's an interesting item I remember an Imam teaching us. I hope I get this right. Jihad is what we hear the extremests claim against us whenever they blow someone up. As we sat in an auditorium at the Foreign Service Institute, the Imam addressing us said "We're having Jihad right here, right now." Jihad is an exchange. I don't want to misquote anything so I'll quit there. I look at these Muslim extremests as I do Christian extremests who kill abortion doctors. In my opinion they are not behaving in a Christian manner. I hope deeply in my heart that no one judges my Christianity by the actions of some abortion doctor killer.

I'll be in a good position to learn while I'm in Tashkent. As a spouse of a Foreign Service diplomat, I must guard my tongue (thus the solicitation of your prayers). As I understand, I cannot publicly contradict the United States Government. Since I don't know their stance on everything I'll be doing alot of listening and little opining.

If you've ever been on a debate team, you must realize the importance of understanding the opposing side's viewpoint in order to successfully debate them. I encourage all of us to treat our differences like a formal debate: civil, well thought out and courteous. Then if we could just get the nations to follow suit. . .


I'm not saying that if we learn how to peacefully debate politics and relgion around the dinner table that we'll achieve world peace. I am saying that if we here in America cannot sit around the dinner table (or over the backyard fence) and debate politics and religion peacefully then the Israel/Palestine issue will remain unsolved along with Christians' ignorance of Islaam (and the Taliban's and Al Qaeda's ignorance of our hearts and their actions against us).